Currently Listening In Between Dreams By Jack Johnson see related

I know I haven't posted in a while, but so much has happened. Life is changing. Sometimes too quickly it seems, but who am I to judge time. Sometimes I just think about things and question how everything started or how I let certain things happen. Well I guess it is just time to face the things that have happened and that are going on.

Some things have been on my mind alot lately. I am changing. I want to change. I yearn to be someone who finds beauty in what the world claims to be not beautiful. I yearn to be someone who loves the people the world deems to be unloveable. I hate superficialness and materialism. I want to escape them both. These are the things I want to shed from my life, no matter how impossible it may seem. I just feel like if I get rid of the constant consumerism that takes up so much of ones life...then I can be a better person. I can stop being self-centered and I can do what matters. I can love. I can help. I can be a servant. First I must rid myself of the things that have taken over. Hopefully one day I can be the servant the Lord calls me to be. I don't usually out lyrics down...well I don't usually update either, but I guess things change. Here is a good song that I think hits the point.

look at all those fancy clothes
but these could keep us warm just like those
and what about your soul is it cold
is it straight from the mold and ready to be sold
and cars and phones and diamond rings
those are only removable things
and what about your mind does it shine
or are there things that concern you more than your time

gone going gone everything gone give a damn
gone be the birds when they dont want to sing
gone people all awkward with their things, gone

look at you out to make a deal
you try to be appealing but you loose your appeal
what about those shoes youre in today
theyll do no good on the bridges youve burnt along the way

you willing to sell anything, gone with your herd
leave your footprints and well shame them with our words
gone people all careless and consumed, gone

gone going gone everything gone give a damn
gone be the birds if they dont want to sing
gone people all awkward with their things, gone

Currently Listening One Love: The Very Best of Bob Marley & the Wailers By Bob & the Wailers Marley see related

So I have been praying about this and I still do not know what to do. I have spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning and I just can't handle it anymore. Honestly I do not know what to do. I ask you all to keep me in your prayers as I make this huge decision that could effect the rest of my life. This decision could change how people perceive me, but I question whether that really matters at all.

I know that something like this takes time and patience and that God will eventually let me know which way I should go, but my patience is wearing and I can't wait anymore. I know that God says that perseverance builds character, but right now I feel like I have as much character as I can handle.

So if any of you have an answer for me....please feel free to comment. Your thoughts are much appreciated as I go through this rough time in my life.

So should I get dreadlocks or no?

Currently Listening Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground By Bright Eyes see related

So I guess to begin, I have definately been going through an awul lot lately. It has caused me to think about things even more than my analytical brain does on its own. I have been thinking about the problems people have and have come to the conclusion that most of them are problems that result from selfishness, mine most definately included. When I think about my "problems" I can't help but feel even more horrible about them because I feel like they are things that I should be able to fix and that they are things that are in my control. Sounds simple right. I feel like there are people out there that have problems that are out of their control and they should be the ones complaining, not me. There is a mass genocide occuring in Uganda right now, the woman in villages there are being raped and brutally mutilated by rebel forces, there are pirates off the coast of Somalia stealing the much needed aid that the U.N. is trying to provide, people in New Orleans lost everything they ever owned, there are riots going on in France that are worse than the riots that went on in L.A., suicide bombers are killing innocent victims in public places, and women in the middle east are walking around like zombies because they are on Valume to literally numb all of the pain they are going through.

If you put your problems alongside those like I have, you feel like a complete idiot because those problems just seem unbelieveable. And it amazes me that those are the same people that have the most faith and are still thanking God for what they do have instead of blaming Him for what they are going through.

I guess I am being alittle hard on myself by comparing my problems with those of the world, but I just feel like if I stopped thinking about myself than things would just get better. If only it was that easy. God knows I am greatful that I am not going through what those people are going through...so I guess I should be less hard on myself and just be greatful that my problems aren't at severe as those. Yet I can't overcome this guilt that I should be able just stop what I am doing.

I am not really sure where this post went or where it was going or what I am concluding too, but those are my thoughts on what is going on right now. I guess it all comes down to growing closer to God and falling more in love with Him because of what you are going through. But I am struggling with the idea that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. What about that girl last year who was a Christian and got pregnant before she was married and ended up committing suicide because she couldn't deal with the shame? Did God "give" her more than she can handle? She committed suicide.

I guess I should stop trying to analyze what God is doing and why things are happening and focus more on other people and doing what I can to help them. Perhaps things will change faster if I approach things that way...if only I can get myself out of the way. 

Currently Reading Sun Also Rises By Ernest Hemingway see related

I have been thinking about this subject alot lately so I decided that for my first true update in a while I would share my feelings on this subject. Everyone has addictions. It is as simple as that. It doesn't matter what kind of addiction it is either. Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol and others are addicted to facebook or xanga for that fact. I kind of say it kidingly, but it is true. And the truth is, it doesn't really matter what kind of a addiction it is...they are all the same. The severity of some may make them seem worse than others, but to be honest again I say...they are all the same. So why do you we let these things control our lives? The answer to that is we feel a void in ourselves and are trying to fill that void with things that will only leave us feeling guilty, ashamed, or just as empty as we started out feeling. So again I ask why do we continue to let these things own apart of us that just isn't there's?

The void seems unfillable almost unavoidable and the enemy would like us to believe that these addictions are the answers, but as difficult as it seems to believe, God is the only one who can make us whole. It seems so easy...just give it to God, but sometimes that can be the most difficult thing to do. We don't want to give up these addictions because they are what we have come to know. They are comfortable to us. The problem is...we have let these addictions take God's place in our lives. I guess what I am coming to is that the only way we can overcome anything at all...no matter what it is...is to make God the center of our lives. That definately takes time and a whole lot of trust, but honestly nothing else is going to make us feel whole.

Sorry if I seemed to rant on, I don't even think I explained all of my feelings on this subject, but I needed to just begin by saying alittle on this subject since I have been thinking about it alot. Like I said this has been on my mind alot lately and I felt the need to share.